When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
