Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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