i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
