im about as happy as oj after his trial
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
