he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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