Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
