New invention idea: vibrating tampons
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Drunk is not a location!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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