I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
