Farmville is her only friend.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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