pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
