I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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