everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
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