so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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