Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
