AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
