i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
