Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
