Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
