how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
