I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
