I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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