Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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