I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
