is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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