I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
