whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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