my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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