Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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