I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
