So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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