And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's never too late to be topless.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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