quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it was like eating out sand paper
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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