Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i dont even know how to be here
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
