i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
