I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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