This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
