Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize