I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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