Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
