we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
