When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
