To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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