We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
