I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
