Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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