but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
