It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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