just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize