Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
