Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
