i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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