Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
