Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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