my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
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