1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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