I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
