Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
