dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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