My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
