My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
