I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize