Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
