I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
