if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
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151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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