this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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