you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
