Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
