Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I pour the whiskey from now on
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
