I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
