Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
