I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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