Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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