And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You work out of a Hotel?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
