You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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