So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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