There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
