you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
