Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
