you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
