I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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