Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
did i walk over a car last night?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
