True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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