Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Houston, we have a blender
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
