I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
