I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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